It's impossible to Cultivate Non-existant Talent

This weekend i was at J Mcgruagh's (which is a great little bar at the corner of Ladue and Gay in Clayton, you should go if you get the chance.) Toward the end of the night i was grabbed by a member of my party and forced to do karaoke to the seven minute long american pie. Suffice to say me and this person are no longer friends - You hear that pete? you have committed an inforgivable offense.

I have not "Sung" in front of people i don't know since last June at the final silent-q show. Suffice to say, i wasn't really great at it then, and as i found out last night, i'm still not. It's a good thing i've got this accounting thing to fall back on as a career.

Turk and i are beginning our foray into softball, and i belive he'll be having thoughts about beer league softball in his blog from now on. we won one and lost one this weekend, as i found some long lost baseball skills, and realized why they were long lost. But softball is fun, and i got very irty, and then there was post game beer. I have nothing to complain about. Till next time.

And just so were clear turk: "I definitly could have been a major league baseball player, if i didn's completely suck at baseball."

Joe Morgan is an Idiot

Joe morgan is an idiot. Here are just a few items from his chat today:

• Dave, Sacramento: Hi Joe, I love your work, but I'm wondering why you won't read "Moneyball?" It's short, readable, and the pages won't bite, I promise.

• Joe Morgan: I haven't read a lot of books. I didn't read Canseco's book or Game of Shadows. I'm not sure the last baseball book I read. I form my own opinions because I played the game and have 40 years of experience in the game. There isn't much that others can teach me about the game. I've been taught by the best .. the players I played with and against. I know what it takes to win out there. I've seen players who are winners and just good players. I don't get enjoyment out of reading baseball books. I'd rather watch a sci-fi movie on TV.

Of course you dont read a lot of books Joe. Because you know everything there is to know. And you have demonstrated your all knowing baseball acumen countless times in the past by absolutly blastiing billy beane on television and in print for making himself look like a genius in moneyball, when, you know, he didnt actually write the book. Way to go Joe. You idiot. Don't try to stay informed or anything about current baseball issues or anything. I mean it isn't your job to talk about baseball on telvision, so watching a science fiction move rather than reading about baseball seems like a perfect idea. Its one thing to disagree with a concept but quite another to remain ignorant.

• Phil (Stl,MO): Last night you chose Ortiz over Pujols due to success in the post-season. I would encourage you to look at the numbers as it's Pujols who comes out as the much better post-season performer.

• Joe Morgan: Go look at the numbers! Pujols was OK in the World Series but Ortiz is a big game player. There is an element of luck involved but you have to be the guy who comes to the plate in big situations and come through. I say he is the best big game hitter in baseball but Pujols is the best overall hitter by far.

What in God's name are you talking about? Ok so I went and looked up the numbers. Both Pujols and Ortiz have appeared in 8 playoff series and here's are their postseason lines:

Pujols: 8HR/.336 BA/.428 OBP/ .620 SLG

Ortiz: 8 HR/.301 BA/.383 OBP/.552 SLG

Well, by what objective measure are you claiming that Ortiz is a better postseason player.

I hate Joe Morgan. And while I'm sure he's a kind person, and wonderful man, but god i wish he'd shut up.

Dear Mr. Isringhausen

This is a modified version of something I posted last year at the old magic penguin:

Dear Mr. Isringhausen,

My name is Mike. I am a young man aged 25 years old and a very devout fan of your baseball team, The St. Louis Cardinals. My friends and I could be considered "fanatics" and have spent most of the fall looking forward to this April, when the Cardinals will take the field again and go for another run to to the world series. If we're not watching baseball, we're talking baseball. We're about just shy of literally living and dying with the Cardinalsad before we go any farther I'd like to explain a few things.

The world around is very perilous these days, and temptation to stray off the path is everywhere. Young men every day just like myself turn to alcohol and drugs to escape the mental pain and anguish of anxiety. What I'm trying to say is, due to the world we live in, I'm fighting something of an uphill battle here. No, im not looking for a handout from a rich athlete to a poor kid. I personally don't have many problems in my life. Thus far I actually don't have a drinking problem, nor do I have any lingering drug habits. My liver is not about to fail, and I don't need a little bump in the morning to get me on my way to work. I'm doing pretty good actually.

At this point you must be asking, "what in God's name can this possibly have to do with me?", and honestly, I would say that's a fair question. So let me explain myself. You're killing me Jason, you're just freakin' killing me. Seriously, every day you come out to pitch you push me closer the precipice of full on drug and alcohol abuse, and may eventually cause me to spiral further down into the depths of self loathing, pushing me towards the criminal element of society. What I'm saying Mr. Isringhausen is, every time you come into a game with a 1 run lead, and load the bases like you did tonight before getting the final out, you push me a step closer to having to sneak money out of my dads wallet so I can get my next crack fix. And after they're gone, I don't want to end up robbing convenience stores for that handle of McCormick's vodka just so I can take my troubles away for a little while.

Im not sure if I can handle it this year Jason. I can't go through another year of this. All im asking is that you neatly and tidily record three outs. Is that really so hard to ask? I don't think that it is. I don't want to be the unemployed guy downing entire bottles of Robitussin in aisle 12 of the local Schnuck's just to get a much needed buzz, and none of this will even come close to happening if you could just handle your job with a little more efficiency. I appreciate you taking the time to listen. I look forward to your next appearance. Remember - 1,2,3 - that's all.
Sincerely,

Mike

It's Finally Back!

It's finally back!

For what has seemed like ages, I've been staring out my window and waiting for this wonderful day. Opening Day is finally here. Which means baseball is back. Which means summer has arrived!

As much fun as the hot stove league is, and as much fun as it is to read prediction, projections and prognistications, were back. No more fantasy drafts, actual playing fantasy baseball. No more lisetning to spring training games, we get to listen to the moon man himself for real.

Opening Day should be a national holiday, and as i sit here on my couch with my lovely girlfriend across from me, i feel absolutly perfect, because my favorite thing is finally here, and it stays with me for 8 glorious months.

Tomorrow the Cardinals open their season, and i'll be listening on the radio, watching on tv, catching the gamecast, whatever i can do. I suggest you do the same. Happy opening day to you, and may you enjoy luck with your team over the next few months, whenever they aren't playing mine.

Unless your a cubs fan. In which case, enjoy your self inflicted pain, you weirdo.